On the last post I briefly mentioned how I had some of the winter blues, well they had hit me harder than I thought and that came known to me after 4 days of snow days for the boys. I know a lot of mothers feel this way. The truth of it is being a stay at home mom is at times a very unappreciated profession. The decision for me to stay at home had many layers, but one of the main reasons is because I wanted to be with my kids full-time. I fully know that it was my decision and I don’t want to come off as being ungrateful with my gripes. With all that being said it is not that I expect a lot of appreciation, but an unsolicited thanks or an evening at the dinner table without whining about the food I made would be fabulous.
This past Thursday I was doing my regular cleaning. I came to the realization that I was picking up more than I was cleaning. I hate feeling that people in my household expect that I am going to pick up their socks, pencils, books etc and put those items in their proper home. Well, that send me over the proverbial edge. Angry mommy came out and castigated every one in her path. Well, that evening I felt bad for my behavior (especially since not focusing on the negative is one of my monthly goals for February) but, instead of apologizing I just started feeling sorry for myself. I also had a birthday approaching on Feb 2 and I had an inkling that my husband hadn’t really planned anything for me. I am normally not a huge, “I have to do all this stuff for my birthday”, but I have really had a bad attitude for over the past year that I had to share my birthday with the Super Bowl. So I am already feeling sorry for myself and then my hubby is being very flighty about my birthday… so I just lost it. I actually said, “In all the years we have been married I have planned so much stuff for you, but I can’t think of one time you have done considerable planning on anything for me.” Yeah, not by proudest moment, I had to get it out for whatever reason not really thinking on how that would make my husband feel. Selfish, yes, but I am glad I got it out, because I felt a huge weight lift. The next day I vowed to put that behind me and no matter the circumstances to just have fun on my birthday weekend and to be nice to my family.
Friday and Saturday I was ok, I felt better. I knew I had to snap out of it and I was hoping that getting back into our routine would help. Since winter break we haven’t gone back to our regular routine, because each week since the boys returned to school we have had some weather delay and closure. Over the years I have come to realize that I am a creature of routine and when it gets disrupted so do I. Saturday was a busy day, but as a treat to myself I had scheduled a 90 min massage and evening we were going to our friends Kate and Peter’s house-warming party. Click here to see what happened when we walked in……
My dear husband and the wonderful friends that I have in my life had been planning a surprise party for me for about two months. Not only that, but my sister-in-law Jo-Anne, Vanessa, Matt and Amy all came in from out-of-town to be at my party. That floored me!!! It was very humbling to know that so many of your loved ones took time out of their life to plan something for you. And that the person I was so sure was going to fail me, was the master mind behind it all. Let me tell you how foolish I felt for having my episode a few days before. This was a huge wake up call for me. I need to really keep the positive in the fore front of my life. I need to be thankful for all the great things I have in my life and not worry about little insignificant things. Most importantly, we all have friends and family that love us and care a lot about us. When we are feeling down, we should refocus on that. With all that being said I want to thank my loving husband for planning my surprise party. You really got me Jeff! I had no idea! Thank you to Kate and Peter for hosting, getting your house ready and cooking a delicious meal. Finally thank you to my friends that came, Matt, Vanessa, Jo-Anne, Amy, Jen, Josh, Tammy, Jen, Rachel, Corrie, Joe, Nicole, Mauricio and all the kiddos! You all made me very happy and gave me a wonderful memory that I will carry with me until my last day.